Teaching Self-Control

We live in a generation of extreme excess and we have raised up several generations of spoiled, indulged children, who have been taught that their personal self esteem and personal happiness, is top priority. We are now living with the results.

The “Me” generation is now in control. Self-satisfaction is extremely important to parents and children alike and “Every way of a man is right in his own eyes:” (Proverbs 21:2) Just one problem…people have forgotten that the Lord is pondering on the wicked self centeredness of their hearts. Our Holy, Righteous God, sees it all!

Self indulgence is seen in everything, from how we eat, to how we entertain ourselves. Children no longer have a grateful spirit over eating simple food. They expect to have what they like and what appeals to their eye. They can actually be picky and choosy over fancy packaged, store bought (expensive), fun foods that are not even essential to good health, and are purely “feel good” foods. What has happened to our culture that we could breed this kind of self-gratification so quickly?

We have had so much abundance….that we have come to expect it, as if it were our right to have it. Selfish thinking!

Let’s all be honest with ourselves for just a few minutes, Moms. What are your personal expectations?

~ For the foods you eat?
~ For the clothes you want to wear?
~ For the places you want to go or the trips you want to make?
~ For the things you want or desire from your husband?

Are these desires selfish in any way?

When examining our own hearts, it becomes easier to see why our children lack self control.

Parents and children alike, have become a part of our carnal, self-gratifying culture. Indeed, everything has become “all about us” and we have passed that ungodly attitude down to the next generation.

This kind of child rearing should not be a part of a Christian home. Christianity is supposed to be all about God’s way of thinking…not our own. It is supposed to be about Christians seeking for the “mind of Christ”, outside of our own thinking. It’s supposed to be all about Him!

I want to challenge every married couple to take some time to just sit for a while and observe their children playing together or playing together with other children. In a short time, you will begin to observe self-gratification and little people-out-of-control, in their actions and attitudes.

It’s easy to say, “Johnny, don’t do that! That’s not being nice!” But it is a whole different thing to call “that” ugliness that you just observed, sin and a lack of self control!

Proverbs 25:28 “He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls.”

Children out of control with their attitudes, mouths and actions will never be able to be satisfied. Self-indulgence …will be how they learn to live their life. That might not look so bad when they’re eight years old, but when they turn sixteen, twenty-five or fifty and they want what they want then, because there has been no restraint, things can get ugly fast! Our culture is reeling with the affects of self-indulgence. Obesity, fornication, pedophilia, kidnappings, alcoholism, drug addictions, anger, divorce and materialism is rampant and it all came about because people want what they want, when they want it!

Teaching our children to have “rule” over their own spirit, will take some time to set in concrete. But you have to start early and stick with it, in order to see any results.

Proverbs 29:15 “The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.”

Teaching self-control is a moment by moment process and many times your example will be the best teacher!

1. Every day, make the needs of others…a priority for your child.
-This teaches the child to set himself aside and to do it happily.
-This teaches the child to enjoy doing something for someone else.
-Show him how to defer to the needs of someone else, before his own. It won’t be long and he will begin to experience the joy that comes when putting others ahead of himself.

2. Teach your child that things and situations don’t always have to go their way.
-Don’t allow arguing during play times.
-Don’t ever let them cry or throw a fit when perceived unfairness happens. That shows absolutely no self-control!
-Crying should be reserved for genuine moments of physical pain and not always because someone did something they did not like. Be discerning at these times. You can breed self-gratification without even realizing it.
-Don’t allow your child to argue or reason with any authority. That is not his right. Self control, controls the mouth’s reactions too!

3. Teach your child that they don’t always have to be the one in control.
-Watch for the bossy child. He/she needs extra instruction! Stay on it!
-Teach the child to quietly submit with a good attitude. They don’t have to agree….they have to obey. Children are notorious for not understanding life situations. That’s because….they’re children!!

For the sake of your child’s character now….and fifty years from now…teach him self-control. Lack of self-control in a child will develop much too quickly into deep rooted pride. Proverbs 13:10 “Only by pride cometh contention: but with the well advised is wisdom.”

Living with an adult who is consumed with pride, promises to be a difficult existence.