Tips for Training

Could This Really Happen in America?

2011-03-01T04:00:00.000-08:00

Written By Anonymous

Dear Mom,

Can you believe its 2023 already? I’m still writing ’22 on everything. Seems like yesterday I was sitting in first grade celebrating the century change. I know we haven’t chatted since Christmas. Sorry. Anyway, I have some difficult news and I really didn’t want to call or talk face to face.

Ted’s had a promotion, and I should be up for a hefty raise this year if I keep putting in those crazy hours. You know how hard I work. Yes, we’re still really struggling with all the bills.

Joey’s been OK at kindergarten although he still complains about going. But then he wasn’t happy about day care either, so what can we do?

He’s become a real problem, Mom. He’s a good kid, but quite honestly, he’s an unfair burden at this time in our lives. Ted and I have talked this through and finally made a choice. Plenty of other families have made it and are so much better off.

Our pastor is supportive and says hard decisions sometimes are necessary. The family is a system, and the demands of one member shouldn’t be allowed to ruin the whole. He told us to be prayerful, consider all the factors, and do what is right to make the family work. He says the decision is ours, and was kind enough to refer us to children’s clinic right here in town. So at least I know that part is easy.

I’m not an uncaring mother. I do feel sorry for the little guy. I think he heard Ted and me talking about “it” the other night. I turned around and saw him standing on the bottom step in his pj’s with the little bear you gave him under his arm and his eyes were sort of wetting up.

Mom, the way he looked at me just broke my heart. But I honestly believe this is the best for all of us. It’s not fair to force him to live with a family that can’t give him the times and attention he deserves. And please don’t give me the kind of grief Grandma gave you over your abortions. It’s the same, you know.

We’ve told him he is just going in for a vaccination. Anyway, they say the whole termination procedure is painless.

I guess it’s just as well you haven’t seen that much of him.

Love to Dad,

Jane

This fictitious letter may seem extreme but the seeds of disintegration have already taken root in our Godless culture. Guard you own home and thinking. Remind yourself of what God thinks about your children. Cherish the moments you have with them. Don’t allow jobs or material desires to sidetrack your family.

Psalm 127:3 “Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.”

Learn to see the value of your heirloom.

Me...Do Housework?

2011-02-01T17:03:00.000-08:00

Homemaking in 2011 is a far cry from what it was in 1940. Dishwashers have now rescued us from those perpetual dishpan hands! Automatic washing machines have replaced the scrub board and ringer washer that was once the only means for having clean clothes. Electric clothes dryers have taken the place of the back yard clothesline and bread machines have freed us from having to knead another lump of flour and yeast! We don't even have to shred our own carrots or lettuce, because they too, have already been done for us and are waiting in neat little packages on the grocer's tidy shelves!

Being a domestic engineer has never been easier! Yet we are raising another generation of lazy, housework hating girls, who do not care to help their family with the daily care of the home. I believe this problem lies on the doorstep of mothers. Are you a housework hating mom? Are there household chores and family needs that are left undone because you just don't enjoy doing them? A dirty house, laden with piles of unfolded laundry and dirty dishes filling the kitchen sink should not be the home of a Christian woman or her family!

I would like to encourage every woman reading this short column, to rethink her God given role as a "keeper of the home". Many of you aspire to be like the "virtuous woman" in Proverbs 31, but are you?

Proverbs 31:13 "She seeketh wool and flax and worketh willingly with her hands."

Proverbs 31:15 "She riseth also while it is yet night and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens."

Proverbs 31:27 "She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness."

Passing on a desire to be a domestic, keeper of the home and family, starts with your example before your family. Does your family hear your complaints about the never ending task load you bear? What your daughters see in you, as you serve your family every day, sends a message about how you feel about serving them. Perhaps it is time to view the endless, repetitive chores associated with every day family living, as nothing more than washing the feet of your family. Jesus did that willingly and with joy.

Can we? After all, we are called to this mission in our very creation! Please don't allow the world to take away your joy of servanthood to your husband and family. You are also serving the Lord when you joyfully and faithfully "wash the feet of your family" in the way you care for them.

I Corinthians 10:31 "Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God."

Remember...we are in the Saviour's employ when we happily choose to "wash the feet of our family". May I remind you? You are also training the next generation, as they live their lives...watching you.

What Do I Do Now?

2011-01-07T18:00:00.000-08:00

Having children in our home is a wonderful blessing from the Lord! Psalm 127:3 “Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.”

Remember when we dreamed of the day we would hear the pitter patter of little feet in our home? Nowadays something strange happens to many parents once the children arrive and take up residence in our homes. Parents don’t seem to know what to do with those children once they are there!

Too many young parents lack the discipline and determination it takes to train and rear their children to be people of character and integrity. Most parents don’t have within themselves, the character needed to pass
on to their children simple concepts of kindness, honesty, integrity and a genuine love for Christ. Many parents today find themselves addicted to entertainment and outside connections and relationships. (Computer, Facebook etc.)

Here are some simple tips for raising children to be men and women of character, integrity and a good work ethic.

1. Make the Bible a daily focus and foundation in your home. Read it to your children. Refer to it when speaking. Give it a place of importance in all decision making and discussions in your family.

2. Talk about your love for God openly. Reverence the Heavenly Father in front of your family. Make Him real to your children. Teach them to care about what God thinks of their thoughts and actions. If Christ is a personal Saviour to you…be sure your kids know that.

3. Remember that the more time you spend doing things together with your children, the fewer discipline issues you will have to deal with. Children who idolize their father/mother will want to do their best to please them.

4. Take the time to read to your children. Perhaps you did not learn to read well. Take the time to practice by reading to your own children. Show your children that you too, are interested in books and learning. The Bible will automatically become more interesting if you take the time to to make reading a high priority.

5. Be there for your child. Get to know his heart. Build a memory with little ones. Too soon….they are grown and gone. Take the time now to enjoy your child for this leads to a wonderful friendship after they are grown.

6. Praise and reward the desired behavior and you’ll find that there will be much less of the undesirable kind. Don’t be fake or excessive in your praise for this kind of phony praise is actually a breeding ground for
narcissistic behavior. A child should earn every word of praise he receives!

7. Allow your children to feel a part of the struggles of real life. They need not know your entire financial situation but neither should they be given everything their little hearts desire. Life without struggle is not achievement. Let them learn to do without in some areas. Teach them to be content with simple foods, toys and possessions.

8. PROTECT THEM FROM TECHNOLOGY! Just because it is so readily available doesn’t mean they should have it. Tech toys will come between you and your child. It robs the family of interpersonal relation- ships and you interrelate with objects rather than people. Shut off the TV and the DVD player. Get off the computer, cell phone and the iPod. Have real discussion with the real people who live in your home.

What do we do with our children?

Learn to live, laugh, love, work, play, create, struggle and worship together for the glory of our wonderful Lord and Saviour. You’ll never regret…

Tongue Training

2010-12-02T19:06:00.000-08:00

"A wholesome tongue is a tree of life: but perverseness therein is a breach in the spirit." Proverbs 14:4

One of the most serious mistakes made in child rearing and the one with lifelong repercussions for your children is that of negative speech spoken aloud to your children, against other people in your life.

The Bible says that "a wholesome tongue is a tree of life:" It gives strength and vibrancy to a child's life. It is edifying and brings happiness, security and peace into the spirit of your child.

In contrast, the Bible also speaks about the damage "perverseness" in a tongue can do to a life. There is no harsher bondage to bring down on your child, teenager or young adult, than that of having to listen to a parent rant and vent out their poisonous opinions and critiquing of other people, in your home life. Parents, who create this kind of division in their children's minds, need to realize that they are doing the devil's work on their very own children! It becomes a mental and emotional prison for those children because they do not know what to believe or how to respond or react to the criticized one. If the person/persons you are criticizing are authorities in your child's life, you have completely trained them to disregard those authorities and to ignore the scriptural teaching about honoring those that have the rule over you or giving honor to whom honor is due.

The Bible says that this kind of "perverse" tongue causes "a breach in the spirit". The dictionary says that a "breach" is a break…or ruptures…a severance of friendly relations. Do you really want to do this to your child? What a horrible injustice it is against your child and their future relationships with God given authorities. There is only one remedy for this kind of poison given to a child! The parent must repent and openly confess this kind of behavior as sin! Or, the child has to renounce the parent's behavior as the sin it is…and separate themselves from hearing it. As your children grow older, they will put the pieces of life and relationships together and lose respect for the parent who never makes this problem right with God and people.

What irreparable bondage to bring down upon your child.

Dear mother, if this is you, ask the Lord to give you a Biblical, wholesome tongue of encouragement so you can be a sustainer of life to the children in your home. Confess your sin for what it is.

You are wrong to conjure up false or judgmental accusations against others.

The Bible says, "Do they not err that devise evil? But mercy and truth shall be to them that devise good." Proverbs 14:22 Can you not say kind, edifying things about others in your children's presence? Are your own opinions that important to you?

But you may say… "What I am saying about others is the truth! I'm not making it up." Dear friend, you are still in sin when you do this. The Bible says,

"He that despiseth his neighbor sinneth: but he that hath mercy on the poor, happy is he." Proverbs 14:21 "A wrathful man (woman) stirreth up strife: but he that is slow to anger appeaseth strife." Proverbs 15:18

"Let all bitterness and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice." Ephesians 4:31

You are causing trouble and strife for your children and for yourself when you vent your bitterness for all of your family to hear. You are showing that you lack control over your own spirit and you reveal your total lack of the Holy Spirit of God in your life. The damage done to yourself and to the heart and mind of your child, is very serious! Your angry spirit and speech is being used to stir your family to strife and to turn them against healthy, spiritual relationships with others.

"The eyes of the LORD are in every place, beholding the evil and the good." Proverbs 15:3

Make no mistake…God hears it all! You will be brought into judgment for every idle word. The sad part….? It may be too late to salvage your children's hearts and minds. The damage that a perverse tongue can do can stunt your child from ever listening to God given authority in their life. It can keep a lost child eternally lost. It can neutralize a saved child in serving God.

This is a serious sin and one not to be taken lightly.

God help us to train our own tongues before we endeavor to train our children's!

Fair & Balanced Disciplining

2010-11-01T18:43:00.000-07:00

“No!”

“Don’t do that!”

“I told you no, didn’t I?”

“How many times do you have to be told?”

“Get away from there!”

“This is your third spanking today and you’re about to get another!”

Do these “threatenings” sound familiar? Are they descriptions of a bad child or do they reflect a parent’s bad parenting? Good question, isn’t it? The Bible does say, “He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.” Proverbs 13:24, and “Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying.” Proverbs 19:18. Then, what about “Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.” Proverbs 22:15 and “Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod he shall not die.” Proverbs 23:13?

All these verses are true and they show us the Biblical, corrective measures we should take in disciplining our children. There are times that this is needful….but this kind of discipline is not for every action.

Too many moms and dads do their disciplining out of exasperation and frustration from being “interrupted” in what they are trying to accomplish; and their parental discipline turns into nothing more than threatenings and spankings.

It takes time and your focus, to parent a child properly.

It is my opinion, based on the scriptures, that there are two main avenues to disciplining children. Knowing when to use these different types of discipline is where wisdom, self-control and parental discipline enter the picture.

The first type of discipline is the corrective kind. This is reserved for when the child goes beyond your already established boundaries and does so willingly and knowingly. This is a direct disobedience of authority. This is where you would do what might hurt or bring great discomfort to your child. This would include spanking (only on the place that God created and prepared for a child to be disciplined), sending your child to their room, taking away a desired privilege, or losing a much looked forward to opportunity for fun. There are many “painful” things that can happen to a child in disciplining that will leave a lasting impression.

Even in this type of discipline, your approach and your spirit in this kind of discipline is the key to its success. If you are angry, quick tempered or irritated by having to deal with your unruly child, they will know it. This builds no bonds between you and Johnny, and your discipline, however needful it might have been…
will be a failure. Disciplining in anger only provokes children to wrath against you and does not make you a good parent. Your report card for disciplining in this manner will come back to bite you later.

You must have control of your own spirit to use corrective discipline successfully!

The second type of discipline and the most often neglected part is verbal discipline. I did not say “permissive discipline”. There are parents who just “talk” about disciplining their child and their threats are idle and wasted.

“Now Johnny, what did I say?”
“Sweetheart, please don’t do that anymore.”
“I’m going to have to spank you if you don’t do what I say…”

This passive, permissive form of discipline really turns parents into practicing liars with their children, because they rarely carry through with anything they are saying. This will wear a parent out and breed disrespect from the children to their parents.

The verbal approach to discipline is found in scripture also.

Proverbs 25:11 “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver.”

We all love the sound of words fitly spoken in our direction! Think about this…most of what children do in the waking part of their day is acceptable behavior. Ninety-five percent of what your child does in a day can be great, but that unacceptable, five percent can throw many parents into an emotional tailspin and completely ruin their day. Perhaps it’s time to regroup in our manner of discipline. Successful discipline starts with a Biblical mindset and a spirit-controlled parent. Know the right discipline for the right cause.

Much of daily discipline can be more positive in its application, remembering that spanking and corrective discipline is reserved for direct disobedience against authority. Verbal discipline will take more of your time and energy. You will have to set aside what you would like to accomplish, for the time to spend in instruction and admonishing your child.

“Withold not good (or help) from them to whom it is due, when it is in the power of thine hand to do it.” Proverbs 3:27

“A man hath joy by the answer of his mouth: and a word spoken in due season, how good is it!" Proverbs 15:23

I have taught Kindergarten and First/Second grade for many years now and I have learned first hand that concentrating on the positive in discipline reaps many more good behaviors from a child than harshness ever did. A nod of the head, my smile of approval, a pat on the back with an encouraging word shows my approval and acceptance of their good behavior and they will break their backs to give me more of the same!

Positive teaching/instruction that communicates our approval does not conflict with corrective discipline. A parent’s longsuffering, that calm spirit and gentle, clear teaching that says, “This is the way and you need to walk in it”, will do more to train your child than fast harsh words that create fear in their heart.

Moms….we should desire to discipline in ways that will please the Lord. When you are pleasing the Lord, you will please yourself, and your children will be much more responsive to your discipline.

What about the strong willed child?

My personal opinion on strong willed children is that they were handled permissively from the very beginning. Once a child has learned how to control his parents, it will take harsher approaches from the parents, to regain the control that was rightfully theirs from the beginning. It may have started right from birth when every little cry was doted upon or the child wanted what they wanted when they wanted it. Giving in to a baby’s demands without setting boundaries, even that early, sets the stage for a two year old who refuses to come when you call or submit when you tell him to do something. His control over you is just more obviously seen at two and three than it was when he was a babe in the crib.

In my classroom, as each school year begins, my rules are very stringent. I am seriously strict in every area. Once the lines have been established and I see that the students have respect for their boundaries….and for me as the teacher, I then can loosen up in my strict tone. I never change the rules, but in applying them, I now need not be as strict in my approach to the rules. The children begin enforcing them all by themselves and without my help. What a happy classroom it is when that happens!

Proverbs 13:19 “The desire accomplished is sweet to the soul.”

Disciplining children starts with us as parents. We must be disciplined…in order to discipline.

Remember this …Proverbs 16:24 “Pleasant words are as an honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the bones.”

Happy Training!

A Mother’s Correction

2010-10-01T07:00:00.000-07:00

Disciplining children is an ongoing procedure, and only when done correctly, consistently and in love can you hope to be successful in the end. Discipline is as necessary to a child's emotional development as eating nutritious food is to their physical development.

Perhaps you lament that 'my husband is not a disciplinarian, I do it all'. Or, 'my husband handles that part of our child rearing…I get to just enjoy the kids.' Both philosophies create an imbalance and you will reap it in your children down the road. I have lived long enough to see that proven many times over.

Both mother and father need to be on the same team but this article will not deal with how to get both parents rowing in the same direction, rather I want to encourage moms to fully accept their role as a disciplinarian.

Mothers spend the most time with the children during their formative and elementary years. We must have our disciplinary mind together. There is no time for us to be lackadaisical, indifferent or passive. I've seen plenty of women who are good nurturers of babies, but terrible mothers to growing children. Just because you can cuddle, nurse successfully and emotionally settle an infant when it's crying, does not mean you are capable of raising children.

Everyone who has been a mother, has faced the moment when we realized that our control over little, raging Ronnie was ineffective! In that moment of helplessness and frustration, we were faced with a decision….what to do….what to do?

Too often, young mothers pass the baton to the father while she focuses on a younger toddler or some other task. Big mistake! Raging Ronnie is being taught that the time before Daddy gets home, is his kingdom to rule….and he will rule over a weak willed mother!

You have just created a divided home and you have begun to raise a brat.

It is this author's opinion that every young mom ought to get on her face before God and ask for the grace and spiritual unction to be the lovingly firm and consistent trainer of your children that God wants you to be! Your children's future character depends on what you do now! You cannot wait until they turn five, six or seven. It's too late then!

A few helpful tips in getting started with consistent discipline:

1. Never say, "When your father gets home you are in big trouble…" You deal with the issue. You are training them to view dad in a negative way and at the same time tearing down your own authority over that child. These are the very children who create terror when mom goes out in public alone with her little ones. Don't make Dad your scapegoat!

2. Never ignore your child's behavior hoping Dad will deal with it. Pay attention to what Ronnie is saying, how he is saying it and what he is doing! A good conscientious father will deal with his child but it should never have to be done because mom passed it off to him in his absence!

3. When your husband comes home from work, prepare the way for a calm, relaxing evening for him. If you have done your job as domestic engineer all day…everything should be shipshape for the bosses return! Take care of the discipline when the disobedience happens. Children do not remember the details of an action very well. YOU DON'T EVEN
REMEMBER THE DETAILS EVERY TIME!

4. Your lethargic approach to discipline is a sign of your own weak character. You are dooming your child toward evil behavior.

Ecclesiastes 8:11 "Because sentence against an evil work is not executed speedily, therefore the heart of the sons of men is fully set in them to do evil."

I see two key words in this passage that speak loudly to us. The first one is "speedily". Deal quickly, right away, with wrong behavior in your child. There is no place in scripture for a mother to be passive and hand off her responsibility during the day to her tired husband at night.

The second key words I see in this passage are scary ones to me. They are the words "fully set". Don't they sound hopeless? Sounds to me like our lack of consistent discipline sets our children's feet in concrete! In truth…that is exactly what we are doing with our inconsistent, lazy disciplining. There attitudes of disobedience, permissiveness and rebellion become fully set when left unchecked.

What is the state of your discipline dear mother? Look down the road of life a bit….what do you visualize at the end of your mothering years? Look well to the manner that you correct your children.

Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ, which strengtheneth me."

Simple Tips for Training

2010-09-02T06:15:00.000-07:00

Before you head out to buy the latest "How-To" manual on childrearing, how about sitting down and reminiscing on some old fashioned, practical tips that built generations of serious minded, productive and respectful young people. There really is nothing new under the sun.

1. Instead of buying store-bought toys and gadgets, provide your children with lots of "junk" toys to exercise their creativity. Many a Christmas celebration has found this truth tested and tried! You can buy your child the nicest, shiniest, most expensive toy but give them the box and the paper and they will have a blast a lot longer! Avoid play things that stifle a child's creativity and limits their imagination. There are some good "functional" toys that children need, such as a metal truck for a boy and play dishes and dolls for a girl. These kinds of toys help nurture creativity in the right areas. Remember: No child can play with piles and piles of plastic toys all in similar colors and noises for very long. THEY ALL BECOME BORING.

2. The more time you spend doing things together with your child, the fewer discipline problems you will have to deal with. When a child looks up to a parent, they want to please that parent. He doesn't want to rebel against his best buddy! Spend time reading books, cooking in the kitchen, investigating the backyard for bugs and other interesting critters. Take time out of your life to build a memory that will develop a
well adjusted, child. Be careful not to be a "herder" of children. They are children,
not cattle.

3. Keep the sugar and junk food out of the house. If they never have it, they will not crave it and whine for it. Touch their palate early with only "real" food and you will find that they enjoy vegetables and fruits a whole lot more than artificial flavors. If your Johnny or Julie doesn't like what is on the table, let him go without until the next meal. A short fasting time helps every human body and it is a good training time for your growing child.

4. Keep Hollywood out of your home. It might be easier for you to pick a DVD and pop it in as entertainment for your children, but why would you want to sit your child down in front of a screen to hear Hollywood's kind of music, attitudes, sneakiness, unkind speech, and philosophies? Your children's thinking should be molded and formed by the Word of God and good Christian examples….not by Hollywood's perverted actors and actresses.

Every parent needs a vision for their family that is bigger than the here and now. Think of the future. You are preparing them for eternity.

From the beginning of time, every parent has born sons and daughters in their own image. Think about that…. If Adam and Eve begat sons and daughters in their own image, then every parent since then, has done the same. As our children bear the image of their earthly parents, we must train them to bear the image of the Heavenly Father. We have God's given resource (His Word) and His ever true promises to help us in this eternal cause.

Your greatest enemy in this cause will be yourself. But…"greater is he that is in you than he that is in the world." I John 4:4.

I Corinthians 15:58 "Therefore, my beloved brethren, be ye steadfast, unmoveable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, forasmuch as ye know that your labor is not in vain in the Lord."

Rearing children is the greatest "work of the Lord" you will ever do!

Precious Moments at Bedtime

2010-07-01T08:32:00.000-07:00

Proverbs 3:24 "When thou liest down, thou shalt not be afraid: yea, thou shalt lie down, and thy sleep shall be sweet."

I have often heard the horror stories that mothers tell about conniving Johnny and his bedtime escapades! He doesn't want to go to bed so he conjures up every excuse in the book to keep the day alive and to keep mama and daddy hopping at his every beck and call! Johnny… from his bed….is commanding the home.

Whether the parents realize it or not, they are training Johnny in the way that he will go.

Sleep is a very precious thing….to Johnny and to his parents! One of the things I miss most about raising my children is our "bedtime ritual". As they grew older and the responsibilities of our life in the ministry and our overall "family busy-ness" intruded on our established night time routine as a family, I remember feeling like I was being robbed.

I was.

When my children were young and throughout their elementary years, I worked hard to protect the time from supper to bedtime. Indeed…it took great effort to let nothing infringe on the bath time and story/devotion/talk time with our children. I still remember the scent of freshly shampooed and bathed children! (Never, never, ever let your children climb into bed with the day's dirt and grime on their skin and clothes. You might as well let them sleep in the sand box out back with the other snaps and snails and puppy dog tails! Those things have no business sleeping with your child at night.)

As I sit on the edge of my "empty nest", I remember well the years of slowing life down in the evenings, so my children would be prepared for sleep time. It all began with a pleasant bath time! My children had a menagerie of tub toys and bath time was never a drudgery. As every mom knows….there is nothing like a warm bath to relax you. Warm water, bubbles and some tub toys is relaxation time for your child! It is wonderful preparation time for sleep! Too many parents are in a hurry to get the kids into bed and settle in to what they have to do. Often there is yelling, harsh verbal orders and scrambling to hurry up and get in bed, accompanied by crying children who don't want to go to bed! In the same way you can't just shut off the day and climb in bed…neither can your children.

What a horrible way to end the day! There is no love and bonding in this kind of bedtime experience!

Take the time out of your life to make a precious moment every night for your child. Ask your husband to join you in this process. Make it a routine. Make it a life time memory. You will find that the time you take with your children now for the quiet things in life, will be the glue that holds you together in love and unity-- later in life.

We build a life by precious moments at bedtime!

What can you do?

1. Begin early preparing for bedtime. Start at suppertime by quiet conversation that shows that you are interested in your child's life.

2. Discipline yourself to shut down your day early so the evening can be dedicated to your child's needs….(homework, story time/devotions and cuddling)

3. See that your child bathes (this relaxes his body) and that you have time to read, talk and pray together.

4. Cuddle them as you tuck them in. Tell them you love them…and mean it. Their spirit will remember…..

5. Be pleasant about this ritual. You are preparing your child for the next day…..at bedtime the night before.

Deuteronomy 11:19 "And ye shall teach them your children, speaking of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, when thou liest down, and when thou riseth up."

Bless your children with precious moments at bedtime and sweet sleep…

Don’t Lie to Yourself!

2010-06-01T18:00:00.000-07:00

In this dysfunctional age of child-rearing that we are living in, Christian parents need help. So many families struggle with knowing the right way to train their children because they were not raised Biblically. Just because you are now a Christian doesn’t mean that you automatically have the Biblical pattern for raising your children down pat.

But, what a blessing! You have the Word of God to show you the path to take in proper training of your children.

The problem….?

You have to be honest enough to admit that you need help and then choose to seek for Biblical help. We all need help in training our children. There are no perfect parents! You will never raise spiritually vibrant, emotionally well adjusted kids if you can’t first be honest about your own inadequacies! God blesses humility and teach-ability!

I’ve said this a million times if I’ve said it once…..

Raising children involves parent training first!

The problem is that you can’t train a parent who doesn’t want to be trained or thinks that their child’s problem is someone else’s fault! Becoming honest about ourselves and the true condition of our own child’s attitude is key in successfully training our children for the glory of God.

Training Pitfalls:

1. Don’t make excuses for your child’s rude actions or disobedience.

~ If you excuse them now…they will blame someone else later and their character flaw will never be corrected. Don’t defend your child’s lack of character on any level. Deal with it with your child so you can rescue their soul from hell.

Proverbs 23:14

2. Don’t lie to yourself about the true character of your child or teenager.

~ Listen when someone tries to share with you what they saw in your child that needs correcting. Don’t be so proud that you can’t take input from others. There may be something that you are missing in your child’s character that is glaring to others. Listen to that person and willingly assess whether it’s a legitimate cause for concern.

Don’t despise the person who shared the insight with you…. Consider it a blessing and an early warning from the Lord! Be grateful for the concern! Then deal with your child about what you have come to realize.

3. If you choose to ignore advice, resent help and continue your training in pride and self importance, then prepare to reap the same…..in your children.

The day will come when your child will ignore your advice. They will turn on you for what they perceive as your “unwanted involvement” and in pride and self importance they will break your heart and destroy their own lives.

We all reap what we sow! That is a Biblical promise from the Word of God that no man or woman can escape.

I have seen more than my share of protective parents who shunned Biblical help, protected their children from truth exposed, resented concerned help from a Christian brother, sister or teacher and winked at the lack of character in their children. They now live in rejection, separation and even estrangement from the very children they excused and failed to teach and train. They coddled the child’s feelings at the moment and lost their respect and their hearts in the end.

What a horrible way to finish up the training of God’s precious gift to you!

Please dear sister….get honest with yourself! Repent of pride. Train yourself to be teachable and start sowing in your children the things you want to see in them at the end of your training trail.

What are you sowing in your manner of child-rearing?

Do You Have A Spiritual Home?

2010-05-03T05:44:00.000-07:00

What is a spiritual home?   Do you have one? Church going families often like to think that just because they raise their children in church that they are a “spiritual” family.   Too many families have a form of Christianity that they put on but underneath there is nothing there. There are often too many displays of spiritual pretense which in time translate into nothing more than being a Pharisee. Children will pick up on this sooner or later. You will reap from a home life lived in hypocrisy.

A spiritual home has an entirely different approach to life than the average American home. The focus is different. Instead of life being centered around TV, movies, cartoons, Disney, video games and the like, which are all worldly centered and self-gratifying, a spiritual home focuses on Christ and what He would have them think and do. They listen to music that will help them think Christ’s thoughts. Even their children’s music is chosen so it will teach Biblical attitudes and attributes. There is little to no television at all in a spiritual home because it does not feed spiritual thinking in the family. Entertainment is closely scrutinized and is not a daily diet for a spiritually minded family. In a spiritual home, even their time is closely monitored because “redeeming the time” and using it productively, is part of the Christian culture of that home.

Every day happenings within the family are given spiritual applications on a daily basis because spiritual homes want to think and be like Christ. Sin is dealt with and never overlooked. In a spiritual home, character training is an on-going thing because the family is striving for the mind of Christ.

In order to have a truly spiritual home, we must throw the world out! Throw out books, magazines, movies, computers, TV, music and even worldly toys that could contaminate your child’s thinking. Guard your child’s toy box and let nothing come in that could turn their hearts to the strange thinking of this world.

We have to be vigilant in these things!

Once you’ve cleaned out the world’s garbage…replace it with good, edifying books, games, toys, music etc. There are good things to enjoy as a family. Look for them.

Seek guidance on where to look for wholesome inputs for your home.

Spiritual homes don’t just happen. They are created by spiritually minded parents who desire to live with the mind of Christ. Be diligent to have a nightly family devotion time.

Make it special for the whole family. This could be a very rich and rewarding time for everyone in the family. Skip the theology lessons and spend time teaching your children basic Christian principles and character. Sing with them. Pray with them. Talk with them. You’re building memories for a life time.

Do you want a spiritual home? There is only one way to have it.  Commit yourself to it and don’t turn back from your pursuit of Godly living.

Your children will thank you.

God said of Abraham….

Genesis 18:19 “For I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the LORD, to do justice and judgment; that the LORD may bring upon Abraham that which he hath spoken of him.”

He wants to do the same for you.

Living in Fakeness

2010-04-02T18:00:00.000-07:00

Is your home a fake Christian home? You might ask, "Why in the world would you say that? We go to church every Sunday and Wednesday, I work in the nursery and help in Children's Church. Why, I even sing in the choir and our children go to a Christian school! Of course our home is not a fake Christian home!"

Many people wear the label of "a Christian", yet their lives are a far cry from regenerated, transformed daily living. There is supposed to be something very different about born again Christians. Our children need to see this difference. They need to hear the difference. They need to experience the difference every day of their lives.

We need to renounce our fakeness!

Moms and Dads may state the fact that they are "Christians", yet their children hear their regular gripes and complaints about the preacher, church members and the lost in general.

What kind of "Christianity" tears down the man God gave them to help guide and nurture their very souls? What kind of "Christianity" berates and belittles people who are supposed to be begotten of the same Spirit that they are? What kind of "Christianity" despises the very people for whom Christ came and died for?

I think it's very important that we all take a closer look at what is hidden in the folds of our hearts. We can boast about the fact that we are believers in Christ--- yet seldom are we caught acting like Him.

"Christian" means….like Christ.

Are we? Prove your faith in Christ by your commitment to obeying His commands.

His commands…to love one another…with a pure heart and fervently! Obey His command to obey them which have the rule over you, for they watch for your soul. Obey His commands to go into all the world and preach the gospel to every creature.

I John 5:3 "For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments: and his commandments are not grievous."

It might be good for all of us, if our "Christianity" was tested in the fires of practical living and our children could be front row observers of our actions and reactions.

Dear parent….Do you know how to really trust God? Too often we talk like God is real and then act in real life…like He isn't! That is fake Christianity!

Do your children hear you boasting of your "Christianity" but never see you depending upon Him? That is fake Christianity!

For the sake of the eternal souls of our children, let's remove the fakeness from our hearts! Let's clean up the secret hiding places and let ourselves come clean before God and our family!

Jeremiah 17:9 "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked; who can know it?

We must stop the fakeness! We need to get honest with what we see in our own hearts before we can ever lead our children to deal with what is in their own.

What Will Your Daughter Be When She Grows Up? Part 2

2010-03-01T20:00:00.000-08:00

Last month, we established the thought that if we would see our daughters grow into Godly, discreet, respectful young ladies then-- we must walk in obedience first! I've never met a Christian mother yet that hasn't had dreams and desires for her daughter that reached far beyond complacent, ordinary, Christianity. Desiring to see your daughter embrace the Christ-life over the self-life will not happen without your prayers and your input!

A Christian Mother's Dream List:

Dream # 2: I want my daughter to be able to serve the Lord with her talents in and through the Lord's church.

That is certainly a fine thing to desire. Do you have any idea what it will take to get her to that place of service? I can tell you. It will take the sacrifice of your time and your money to get her to that point. It will take ten to fifteen years of your life, to dedicate to the cause you dream about. So many times, I have seen parents start their children in music lessons, but within a few years, they have lost the heart to continue, because their children have whined and pouted their way through the process and the parents give up on the whole notion.

Parents are actually the first ones who give up, even before the kids do!

Why do you give in to their complaining about practicing? Children can be more consistent in wearing a parent down with their complaining, than parents are consistent in making them adhere to their practicing! It's a parent's job to enforce the discipline of holding them to the task of regular and timely practicing.

~Provide set aside practice time for your child every day! Let nothing steal it. When something does come up, discipline yourself and them, to find another time to get the practicing in. There are very few child prodigies in this world. Most likely, your child will not be one of them; therefore, practice, practice and more practice is the only way they will develop an accomplished talent.

~Set a nearby clock with a timer for the amount of time needed to practice. This gives the child a goal to practice towards. Be in the area while they are doing their practice. Don't leave them on their own. Listen to them. Give encouragement along the way. Offer kind, constructive help and input. Let them know you like what you are hearing! Set the amount of time realistically. The younger the child, the less time they can manage. If they are quite young, break that 30 minute practice session into two 15 minute sessions. Perhaps one in the AM and one in the PM. Be involved with them by listening and appreciating each step.

This makes your child feel like you really are in this adventure with them!
~Inspire your child! Let them hear music in your home, played or sung by people that can inspire. You must love what you want them to love! If you don't have the time of day for violin music and can't tolerate the sound of a piano playing in your home, your child will tire of it too! Music needs to be loved and accepted in your home.

Inspiration is key for motivation!

~Be prepared to spend money on music, music lessons, instruments and instrument upkeep!

If you want your children to learn a discipline such as music, then be willing to sacrifice to have it. Music is one of the few things that you can involve your children in, that will literally last forever! Soccer, gymnastics, and any sport related past time, will profit, but for a short time only. None of those things can you use in service to the Lord. They are all for self and self glory. That doesn’t mean that there is to be no sports activities in the life of your family, but you must choose your priorities if you are dreaming of talents with which one can serve the Lord.

If you choose to put your children into music lessons, avoid spending money on Nintendo, Xbox 360, movies, computer games and Wiii machines. Those will all become distractions and make disciplining your child in the area of music, all that much harder.

~Be wise in the teacher you choose to teach your child. The teacher needs to be accomplished enough to be able to inspire! If the teacher is not a good fit for your child…they will not have the enthusiasm to continue. Know the temperament of your teacher. Grouchy, moody teachers are no fun for a student. The discipline of music is already hard work. Don't make it harder by having the wrong teacher for your child.

As you can see, your dream list will take effort on your part! I can tell you from firsthand experience, that there is nothing more rewarding than the blessing of hearing your son or daughter using their talent for the Lord. Knowing that you sacrificed carnal things in an effort to develop those talents during their growing up years, is more than gratifying! There were many shopping sprees and dinners out that were sacrificed for the sake of giving our children music lessons.

But it was so worth it!

What Will Your Daughter Be When She Grows Up? Part 1

2010-02-01T18:00:00.000-08:00

What would you like to see your daughter become when she is 18, 25, 35 or older? She will never become the vision of excellence that you see in your mind's eye right now, without a disciplined plan and much prayer to see that she arrives at that place of virtue and spiritual productivity.

Godly, discreet, respectful, poised, hardworking, talented and loving girls don't just happen! They are trained and molded in that direction! Some very important Biblical ingredients have to be added, in order to realize the results you envision right now.

Proverbs 22:6 "Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it."

Training has to start somewhere and a mother is the greatest influence in a daughter's life! That does not take away from a father's influence – for he can be the greatest stabilizing factor and spiritual guide for his daughter, but a mother will have a more direct influence on the outcome of a daughter's character, abilities and life's work. She is the one who will spend the most time with her girl. She will be the one to teach her girl all those first things. Heart bonds are made for a life time between a mother and a daughter during many a cleaning, cooking or shopping spree! Mother….utilize these moments well during this quickly vanishing breath of time! You only get one chance.

Every Christian mother I know has dreams and aspirations for her daughter. After having raised three children, I can tell you that the final results for each of them did not just "happen". There were times of great anguish of heart and travailing in prayer in order to reach the desired, envisioned outcome. We have an adversary that is always at work and there is only one way to oppose him!
Get out that shield of faith, pick up your Sword of the Spirit, make sure your helmet of salvation is on correctly and begin living the Biblical principles you are trying to teach your daughters and sons!

Be what you want them to be! Live the way you want them to live!

Talk the talk and walk the walk… every day of your life and theirs!

You will see your dream come true but only if you walk in obedience first!

A Christian Mother's Dream List:

1. I want my daughter to come to a place of repentance and faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. I want her to have a personal relationship with the Lord. Her salvation is the most important desire I have for her life.

This is the most important goal you should seek for but is it really important to you? The key here is for YOU to live real, Christ-like, on fire Christianity in front of her and to pray for her to come to that place of sorrow over her own sin, in order to come to repentance and faith.

Too many sons and daughters are living in families who go to church every service, the kids attend a Christian school and perhaps pray a quick prayer before every meal, but within their homes there is a lack of real spiritual appetite. Family devotions were long ago discarded as the impossible dream and their eye and appetite for the world took over the family. In these types of families, there is often too much TV, social networking, movie watching, bickering, anger, pride, selfishness and worldly thinking. All this hypocrisy crowds out "Christianity". This family's "Christianity" is relegated to Sunday's and Wednesday nights and the rest of the time they live their normal kind of life. In all kindness…I question the "Christianity" of this type of family.

What is wrong with this picture?

Matthew 6:24 "No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon."

So you want your daughter to be saved and living for God? Let her see through you, what a saved life is supposed to be! Let her hear you thanking God for His "so great salvation". Let her see the joy that you have in knowing Christ in a personal way. Let her hear how God works in your life and how He speaks to you in messages, prayer and Bible study.

Let your daughter see real Christianity lived out….in you! She will then want to have, and will seek for, what looks so good in you.

Dealing With Eating Disorders, Part Two

2010-01-02T15:02:00.000-08:00

As we established last month, eating disorders are not just the problem of the victim but their eating problem becomes a problem for the whole family! Parents need Holy Spirit wisdom and Biblical counsel in dealing with children with this disorder. This is not just a physical problem but it reveals a deep spiritual need as well.
I would like to warn parents and young people that there are serious physical and spiritual ramifications of getting into anorexia or bulimia.

Either of these disorders often first begin because of rebellion in the spirit of the afflicted one. Perhaps that rebellion is a spirit found in the hearts of an entire family.

In our experience of 38 years in the ministry, we have often seen the correlation of angry, rebellious parents producing angry, rebellious children who take on eating disorders. Rebellion can become a way of thinking about all of life and the people in your life! Rebellion is a very serious issue and much too often overlooked or excused in a home.

For kids addicted to anorexia (the refusal to eat), and bulimia (eating and purging), this is their way of having control over their parents or situations in the home or family that are unpleasant or out of their control.

Often times they have a self loathing. Refusing to eat or accept food is a way of hurting themselves or getting back at themselves or their parents for the negative way they perceive themselves to be. These people need to see this thinking and behavior as rebellion and witchcraft. It literally turns into a demonic hold on their very lives. The victim needs to understand that God made them as He wanted them and not to rebel against God.

Psalm 139:13-18 "For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mother's womb. I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well. My substance was not hid from thee, when I was made in secret, and curiously wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. Thine eyes did see my substance, yet being unperfect; and in thy book all my members were written, which in continuance were fashioned, when as yet there was none of them. How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! how great is the sum of them! If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand: when I awake, I am still with thee."

Dear Parent…teach your child from a young age that they are not a mistake! Show them from the Word of God, how God thinks of who and what they are. I can accept my self and my body when I remember that God makes no mistakes and it was His plan for me to look just like I look! Just to remember that He actually thought of ME before I was even known by my own family, is an incredible thought! It's just a shame that parents and family members cannot love and accept each other the way God does for each of us.

The Spiritual Side Affects of Eating Disorders

Satan wins by blinding these poor victims to the Truth.
They often are sent to rehabilitation homes where they treat the physical side but not the spiritual. Without the spiritual…there is no lasting victory over rebellious thinking.
Without the "spiritual" treatment (conversion to Christ), there can be many relapses because Satan capitalizes on the victim's weakness.
These victims will be very good at lying and covering–up what they are still doing. It will become compulsive…where they can't stop lying. This can take over the life.
They will blame their problem on a poor self image but it is really coming from an obsession with a perfect figure or a control issue. It really does become "all about them"!
They will blame their problem on parents who try to exercise too much control over them. It is really the spirit of rebellion. All these things can be a part of this overall problem.
Christ is the ONLY answer to fixing this problem! But He excels in conquering these kinds of problems…when you let Him.

The Physical Side Affects of Eating Disorders

Heart failure is very common with these disorders.
There can be a disruption of hormones with many serious side affects now and later in life.
A girl can so damage her body that she will not be able to bear children. This is a very common side affect in young females.
Deterioration of hair, bones and teeth is common because of decreased nutrition that affects the overall health of the body.

In almost any case of an eating disorder, there is some kind of demonic involvement. Parents need to be awake to all the inputs in their family and their children's lives. We are in a warfare and the souls of our children are at stake. We must take these things seriously.

Remember: Hebrews 7:25 "Wherefore he is able also to save them to the uttermost that come unto God by him…"

Are your children worth the effort?

Dealing With Eating Disorders

2009-12-02T13:57:00.000-08:00

Through the years, I have talked with several parents about their concern for a child or a friend who has a distorted view of food, life and themselves. I want to approach a subject that seems to be rampant in our culture, but is also becoming a problem in Christian families.

My husband and I have sought counsel from the Lord, His Word and other trusted Biblical counselors, in order to adequately help families in our own church who have a loved one with an eating disorder.

With the information gained from all these inputs, I'd like to share a few thoughts on this very delicate subject.

If you are the parent of a son or daughter with an eating disorder, there are some things you need to be aware of. This problem is not just their problem…it's your problem too!

When we think of an eating disorder, we often think of anorexia , where the individual refuses to eat. They starve themselves. Another disorder might be bulimia, where they may eat, but will use drastic means to purge the food from the body, either by vomiting or by using diuretics or laxatives. Any of these things destroy the body and shorten life. On the other extreme is overeating. Food can be an escape in the same way starving one's self can be. Many people use food as a source of comfort. We all know that it "feels" good when enjoying your favorite food, but you can also "feel" bad later when you have gone too far in eating what you so enjoy.

How to deal with these mind sets is where wisdom and Holy Spirit control comes in. These disorders are not just physical problems…they are a spiritual problem too. When anorexia and bulimia go too far and lives are in peril, the person is often sent to a rehabilitation hospital. These places treat the victim physically, but usually not spiritually. Outside of Christ and the power of the Word of God…you are still in bondage.

Let's take a closer look at the reasons why young people get into this kind of disorder?

Satan's deception. Satan feeds the young person a lie about themselves. Usually, they have spent too much time focusing on the world's standard for beauty or appearance. You will find these individuals enthralled with models, athletes, fashions and the like. Satan feeds them a lie and they become blinded to the truth. Most all these young people are unsaved…even if they are living in a "Christian home".
They develop a self image problem. This comes about through the demonic spirit of deceit and obsession with worldly ideals. Sometimes, they have been teased or ridiculed for being fat by family or friends, and they believe it and begin to obsess about their own figure. This whole problem is built on lies…Satan's lies. He is the father of lies!
John 8:44 "Ye are of your father the devil, and the lusts of your father ye will do. He was a murderer from the beginning, and abode not in the truth, because there IS NO TRUTH IN HIM. When he speaketh a lie, he speaketh of his own: for he is a liar, and the father of it."
Teach your children from a young age, to take what God says in His Word very seriously, and to discern truth from lies…about others as well as themselves. A good place to start in thinking on truth is found in Psalm 139:13-18.
Anger can be a root problem. The abuse of their own body may be their way of getting back at authorities that they are angry against. Anger can be seen in many ways besides this one. An angry person can abuse themselves and others in their family by just being a compulsive workaholic. It's not always about food.
It can then turn in to a control issue. Family relationships may be unhappy or strained and eating (or not eating), can be an area where they get to have control and be in charge of their own life, all the while not realizing that "the disorder" is really in control, and it's destroying them--- one day at a time. When they take this kind of control over their own body, they think no one can make them submit. They may blame their problem on parents who they feel exercise too much control over their children. They really have a rebellion problem…rooted in demonic lies and deception. They are only pawns for the devil. Is their problem real? ABSOLUTELY it's real. Knowing "who" is at the root of the problem, is extremely important for the victim. Only Christ can set them truly free.
I Timothy 4:1-3 speaks to this problem well… "Now the Spirit speaketh expressly, that in the latter times some shall depart from the faith, giving heed to seducing spirits, (lying spirits) and doctrines of devils; Speaking lies in hypocrisy; having their conscience seared with a hot iron; Forbidding to marry, and COMMANDING TO ABSTAIN FROM MEATS, which God hath created to be received with thanksgiving of them which believe and know the truth."

Next month we will talk about the physical and spiritual dangers of eating disorders. Share this information with others that you care about.

Examining Your Child’s Spirit

2009-11-04T13:26:00.000-08:00

Have you ever taken the time to examine your child's spirit? Do you ever just sit back and watch their body language and the words they use in conversation? Notice the way they talk to and treat others. Do you see consideration and respect in them? You can learn a lot about your children by just being observant.

Once you begin to notice the spirit of their attitude (we all have one), do not disregard what you are seeing. Little attitude problems grow into real monsters and it happens sooner than you may ever realize. I really believe that the reason so many parents fail to observe closely enough the spirit and attitude of the children, is because they are ignoring their own sour, angry spirit. It is difficult to call into account our child's rebellious attitude, when we have a grown up version of the same thing.

Parents can provoke their children to wrath, and this wrath can be stored up inside their child's heart and soul, until one day they find an outlet to dump it on. Terrible ugliness and hurt can come from that kind of situation.

But what is the real problem here? The child has been provoked by the parents own anger, yet the child cannot deal with his problem until we as parents deal with ours. Show your child how to repent so he can learn how to forgive.

If your child displays evidence of a root of bitterness or a hard heart, they need help and restoration done in their spirit. That can only happen if we as parents are fully and completely surrendered to God. Otherwise…save your breath. Your attempts to help will be in vain because they are hypocrisy.

God cannot bless your efforts to help your child, if you are unwilling to be honest about your own bitterness and bad attitudes.

Parents, you will reap what you sow. Your child will shut you out and have no respect for you if you cannot be honest and up front about your own sin.

The saddest part of raising children with angry spirits, full of rebellion and bitterness, is that Satan uses these attitudes to set them on a path that will take them straight to a devil's hell.

Never allow your own pride, and failure to examine your own spirit, to be the cause for your children rejecting Christ.

Ephesians 6:4 "And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord."

Teaching Self-Control

2009-10-03T20:36:00.000-07:00

We live in a generation of extreme excess and we have raised up several generations of spoiled, indulged children, who have been taught that their personal self esteem and personal happiness, is top priority. We are now living with the results.

The “Me” generation is now in control. Self-satisfaction is extremely important to parents and children alike and “Every way of a man is right in his own eyes:” (Proverbs 21:2) Just one problem…people have forgotten that the Lord is pondering on the wicked self centeredness of their hearts. Our Holy, Righteous God, sees it all!

Self indulgence is seen in everything, from how we eat, to how we entertain ourselves. Children no longer have a grateful spirit over eating simple food. They expect to have what they like and what appeals to their eye. They can actually be picky and choosy over fancy packaged, store bought (expensive), fun foods that are not even essential to good health, and are purely “feel good” foods. What has happened to our culture that we could breed this kind of self-gratification so quickly?

We have had so much abundance….that we have come to expect it, as if it were our right to have it. Selfish thinking!

Let’s all be honest with ourselves for just a few minutes, Moms. What are your personal expectations?

~ For the foods you eat?
~ For the clothes you want to wear?
~ For the places you want to go or the trips you want to make?
~ For the things you want or desire from your husband?

Are these desires selfish in any way?

When examining our own hearts, it becomes easier to see why our children lack self control.

Parents and children alike, have become a part of our carnal, self-gratifying culture. Indeed, everything has become “all about us” and we have passed that ungodly attitude down to the next generation.

This kind of child rearing should not be a part of a Christian home. Christianity is supposed to be all about God’s way of thinking…not our own. It is supposed to be about Christians seeking for the “mind of Christ”, outside of our own thinking. It’s supposed to be all about Him!

I want to challenge every married couple to take some time to just sit for a while and observe their children playing together or playing together with other children. In a short time, you will begin to observe self-gratification and little people-out-of-control, in their actions and attitudes.

It’s easy to say, “Johnny, don’t do that! That’s not being nice!” But it is a whole different thing to call “that” ugliness that you just observed, sin and a lack of self control!

Proverbs 25:28 “He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls.”

Children out of control with their attitudes, mouths and actions will never be able to be satisfied. Self-indulgence …will be how they learn to live their life. That might not look so bad when they’re eight years old, but when they turn sixteen, twenty-five or fifty and they want what they want then, because there has been no restraint, things can get ugly fast! Our culture is reeling with the affects of self-indulgence. Obesity, fornication, pedophilia, kidnappings, alcoholism, drug addictions, anger, divorce and materialism is rampant and it all came about because people want what they want, when they want it!

Teaching our children to have “rule” over their own spirit, will take some time to set in concrete. But you have to start early and stick with it, in order to see any results.

Proverbs 29:15 “The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.”

Teaching self-control is a moment by moment process and many times your example will be the best teacher!

1. Every day, make the needs of others…a priority for your child.
-This teaches the child to set himself aside and to do it happily.
-This teaches the child to enjoy doing something for someone else.
-Show him how to defer to the needs of someone else, before his own. It won’t be long and he will begin to experience the joy that comes when putting others ahead of himself.

2. Teach your child that things and situations don’t always have to go their way.
-Don’t allow arguing during play times.
-Don’t ever let them cry or throw a fit when perceived unfairness happens. That shows absolutely no self-control!
-Crying should be reserved for genuine moments of physical pain and not always because someone did something they did not like. Be discerning at these times. You can breed self-gratification without even realizing it.
-Don’t allow your child to argue or reason with any authority. That is not his right. Self control, controls the mouth’s reactions too!

3. Teach your child that they don’t always have to be the one in control.
-Watch for the bossy child. He/she needs extra instruction! Stay on it!
-Teach the child to quietly submit with a good attitude. They don’t have to agree….they have to obey. Children are notorious for not understanding life situations. That’s because….they’re children!!

For the sake of your child’s character now….and fifty years from now…teach him self-control. Lack of self-control in a child will develop much too quickly into deep rooted pride. Proverbs 13:10 “Only by pride cometh contention: but with the well advised is wisdom.”

Living with an adult who is consumed with pride, promises to be a difficult existence.

Looks Can Be Deceiving

2009-09-01T06:00:00.000-07:00

One of the most precious times of childhood are those few years in the beginning when a child’s understanding is not fully developed and they are so naive and innocent. This stage doesn’t last long and passes all too quickly.

I remember when our oldest son, Sean, was in this early stage of life. He was barely three years old at the time and I’ll never forget this profound moment. Being the protective new parents that we were, we tried very hard to shelter our little boy from all the things that we felt were bad for him. We had no T.V., subscribed to no magazines, chose not to walk the mall for entertainment and worked diligently to feed him only healthy foods to nurture his growing body.

One day, my husband came home from the Bible Institute where he was teaching with a pocket full of candy that some generous student had given him. He put it on top of the refrigerator…that out of the way place where we put all the things that we did not want our children to get in to. To this day, the top of the refrigerator is where all personal or private things of mom or dad’s find their resting place.

Later that day, as we gathered in our small kitchen, little Sean wanted his Daddy to pick him up for a hug. Sean was always intrigued by heights and loved being up high with Daddy. As he smiled and scoped the room from high in Daddy’s arms, he spied the candy on top of the refrigerator. Because he had never seen candy before and since he had a ferocious curiosity, he quickly looked at his daddy and asked, “Whas ‘at Daddy?”

Since we still did not want him to “experience” candy, my dear husband turned the situation into a teachable moment. Very seriously he pointed to the candy and with great soberness he told Sean, “Oh son, that’s sin! You don’t want that.” Sean looked at his daddy, looked back at the candy and after a few seconds of quiet contemplation he very seriously said, “I think I need some sin.”

We had a good laugh over that incident at the time but also realized that that is just how Satan works on all of us. He very cleverly attempts to disguise sin and to lessen its hurtfulness to our lives.

Parents, teach your children to avoid the deceitfulness of sin. Don’t stop warning them. Satan has put sin in a pretty package but he cannot take away its bite or sting. We live in a day when good is considered evil and evil is acceptable. I heard just recently of a young lady who grew up in a professing Christian home, graduated from a Christian school, got desperate for a man, became pregnant outside of marriage and is now living with the unsaved man. Many professing Christians have congratulated this young lady on her new pregnancy and I can’t help but wonder about where they are coming from spiritually? It’s still fornication and it’s still sin! You can pretty it up all you want but the Bible is still true. “…whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.” Hebrews 13:4

It’s a life-long process to teach your children to see sin as sin…no matter what the world calls it. May God help us to see our own sin as the transgression against God’s law that it really is.

Creating a Christian Home

2009-08-01T06:00:00.000-07:00

So many families want to think that they are raising their children in a Christian home, when it is actually Christian in name only. Just because you attend a Bible believing church every week, put your children in a Christian School or even homeschool with a Christian curriculum, does not mean you are a Christian family.

What is a Christian? A Christian is more than just a believer in Jesus Christ. Satan and his demon army are believers in Christ and they are not Christians!

James 2:19 “Thou believest that there is one God; thou doest well: the devils also believe, and tremble.”

A Christian is someone who is like Christ. In order to be like Christ, we must walk in obedience to Christ. Thinking the way He thinks….reacting the way He would react, making His Word the focus and rule book for our life.

The Christian life is very simple. It’s Christ!

If you desire to have a genuine Christian home, then your home must be obsessed with Christ. Professing Christians today are all about the talk of Christianity, but their walk is muddied up by carnal thinking and a worldly lifestyle. That is not Bible Christianity.

II Corinthians 6:14-18 “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? And what communion hath light with darkness? And what concord hath Christ with Belial? Or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel? And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? For ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you, and will be a Father unto you, and ye shall be my sons and daughters, saith the Lord Almighty.”

Ladies, these verses are more than clear. If our home is to be a Christ-centered home then it must be marked by obedience to Christ. If we are unwilling to come out from among them and be separate, then what makes us think we are a Christian home?

For all of you who are serious about creating and setting a true Christian atmosphere in your home, here are a few guidelines to help you in that pursuit.

1. Purge out the worldly things that rob your family’s focus from the Christ-life.
I Corinthians 5:7 “Purge out therefore the old leaven, that ye may be a new lump, as ye are unleavened…”

~ Shut off the TV and DVD. If it cannot be controlled in your home, toss it out. It is better to be ignorant concerning the things of this world and to be wise concerning the things of God. TV and movies are a carnal educator in Satan’s philosophy and your home atmosphere will be much sweeter without their presence.

~ Show your children how to sit at the feet of Jesus and enjoy it, rather than sitting at the feet of entertainment. Bring to life stories from the Bible. Talk about what they have learned in Sunday School. Spend time talking about spiritual things in your home. Read the Bible and pray with your kids. There should be more of Bible stories and less of Disney in a Christian home.

2. Clean up your family’s music library. Fleshly music has no place in a Christian home. Country western, rock, pop, hip-hop and all the rest, do nothing to build Christian character and Godly morals. It is only flesh satisfying music.

Galatians 5:16 “This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh.”

As Christians, we are supposed to be dead to our past life of sin. Galatians 2:20

Introduce your family to songs that bring your mind’s focus to Christ and walking in purity before Him.

Take the music test: Does the music I’m listening to (whether secular or “Christian”), make my flesh feel good….or does it encourage, convict and edify my spirit? It’s important to know the difference. What feels good to us, may be all wrong to God.

All music leads the mind in one direction or another. Where does yours lead you?

3. Church attendance ought to be a no brainer for a true Christian family. How sad
when secular activities can pre-empt faithful church attendance. Nothing should be more important than sitting at the feet of Jesus in His house, on His day, to worship Him.
If faithful church attendance is not important to you, it will never be important to your children.
Are you a Christian family? Are there really enough identifying marks that would distinguish your family as one set apart unto God ?

We are to be salt and light in this world. How is your family doing in their attempt to be a “Christian” family?

Let’s Get Real

2009-07-01T10:14:00.000-07:00

Every Christian parent desires for their children to be saved and love God! But the likelihood of our children acquiring a fervent love for God and a desire for holy living, is not achieved by osmosis. Just because you say you love God…doesn’t mean that they automatically will.

It’s my firm belief, based on many years of observing professing Christian families, that many parents have no clue what it takes to instill a God consciousness in their children.

In order to teach our children to love and fear God, we must show them with our own lives, how to do it. Our children will learn to love what we love.

Proverbs 22:6 “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”

Perhaps the real reason this important trait is not being passed to the next generation, is because parents cannot pass on something that they do not have themselves. “Training up a child” infers that parents know what to train and how to go about instilling it.

Since attitudes are caught more than taught, what kind of parents’ should we be? How should we be training our family, in order to raise children who will fear God and love and honor His authority over their life?

1. Be a parent who is real! One who is void of hypocrisy. Genuine love for God cannot be mistaken. Kids learn early on what fake looks like. As they grow older, respect is lost when parents live in hypocrisy.

The saddest part about being a phony Christian around your kids, is that they can never learn what the “real” is supposed to look like!

You are breeding spiritual weakness in your children. Through the years we have seen many parents who brought their kids to church, put them in a Christian school but all along the way, failed to live a consecrated Christ life before their children. Later on, when their children needed spiritual help and guidance, the kids failed to recognize the importance of Biblical counsel and lumped all Christians into the same mold as their hypocritical parents. In the end, those same kids found Christianity in general, undesirable.

Do you want your children to love God and seek after salvation, or to walk away from you, the Lord’s church and all spiritual influence? Then get real and love God with all your heart and soul and mind. Serve the Lord with gladness!

~Let your children hear you talking of His goodness and blessings to you. Be real.

~Let them hear you thanking God for your preacher, who is God’s gift to you.

~Let them hear you thanking God for a good church to be a part of. Be real for Jesus sake.

Leave a God consciousness in the minds of your children. What you live before your children as they grow up, leaves a mark in their lives that is permanent. Are you obvious about your love for the Lord?

~Do your children see and hear you loving all the things that God loves?

~Do they see you pray and read the Bible regularly?

~When in church, do they see you as an active participator in the singing, in your giving, in how you listen and follow along with what your preacher is preaching?

All these areas of training breed a God consciousness in your children. What a rich and blessed heritage you will leave in their hearts and minds when you live authentic, real Christianity in front of your children.

Their eternity depends on your willingness to be real. A very sobering thought to contemplate.

Who Is On The Lord’s Side?

2009-06-01T11:59:00.000-07:00

Do your children know without a shadow of a doubt, that you are unashamedly on the Lord’s side? How do they know this? What makes you certain that they know whose side you are on?

We live in a day where Christianity is so lukewarm, watered down and in many families, is completely lived in the gray areas. Children are left to guess where mom or dad really stand on spiritual things. Even sadder is the fact that so many parents refuse to admit that they might have a spiritual problem. I really believe that most parents are hoping their children are ignorant enough to miss the reality of where mom or dad are really coming from spiritually.

Let me tell you a secret........

They’re not ignorant! They may be young in years but children are smarter than they look at first glance. Children who attend Sunday School and church every week are hearing the same things that their parents hear. If they attend a Christian school or are home schooled, they are hearing even more spiritual instruction. You can be sure that children wonder why Dad never responds to spiritual instruction, yet the child is expected to. I have been teaching in Christian Schools for the last 25 years and I have watched as many children, young and old, weigh what they were being taught against the realities of what was being lived by mom and dad at home. You could see their mental and emotional struggle for justification of the way things are with the way things should be.

When those same young people graduate from high school, the confusion and hypocrisy of their upbringing, comes to fruition. They often walk away from church, Godly counsel and spiritual instruction in all forms. Parents, you may be able to fool your church friends and the people next door, but you will not fool your children! They will take what you are to the next level and break your heart.

Why do parents think that they can overlook their own apathy, lack of spiritual desire and worldly thinking and it won’t affect their children?

You must exemplify all that you want your child to become. Live genuine Christianity in front of your children!

Show your children how to repent of personal sin.... Show them what humility looks like, by your own example of repentance.

Show them how to love the Lord God with all their heart and soul and mind...

You need to know God intimately if you want them to know Him at all.

Walk in the ways of the Lord ....if you want your children to.

Make God’s Word, God’s House and God’s Day sacred to your family.

Time is running out for your young people to get saved! Show them, by your own life, that YOU are on the Lord’s side.

Walk in true holiness. As saints of God, we are made and redeemed for holy living.

I Peter 1:15-16 “But as he which hath called you is holy, so BE YE HOLY in all manner of conversation; Because it is written, Be ye holy; for I am holy.”

Who is on the Lord’s side? That’s a very good question which deserves an honest answer from every parent who calls themselves “a Christian”.

The Problem With Children

2009-05-04T08:10:00.000-07:00

Have you ever had the thought enter your mind of, “I don’t like my child right now?” Every good willed parent honestly loves their child, but there can be times when they just don’t like them very much. How does this happen? Who is at fault? Why don’t you like your child at some specific time?

The truth is….we made our child the way they are because of our training techniques or the lack of them. In a word…it’s all our fault. That may sound hard but in reality, the children God gave us, are soft putty in our hands. If we don’t mold and form them properly, according to Biblical principles, they will take on a shape that we may not like. Finding and understanding those principles that work is often the hardest part in child rearing. We need Godly wisdom. We must have it. We must seek for it and never give up in the seeking of it!

James 1:5 “If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.”

If you want to really like your child’s behavior, then you must do the things, say the things and practice the things that will bring the right responses and actions out of that child. As children get older, I’ve seen a lot of parents become angry with their child’s behavior, but then blame shift. It just has to be a peer problem, a school problem or the kids at church. Parents, we must not allow ourselves to be blame shifters. If you have planted a garden full of weeds, admit it, pull the weeds up by their roots and replant. For your child’s sake, take responsibility and help them admit their part.

I have seen many families through the last 30 years who have come into a good Bible preaching church with great expectations for their family. They enthusiastically enrolled their children in the Christian school and faithfully brought their children to church every service. From the beginning, they wanted their children to have what they as parents never had. They wanted their children to be better students than they ever were, better athletes and more spiritually minded than they ever were. So many high expectations!

But, there was one big problem. They wanted their children to be all the things----that they themselves were too lazy or too busy to do themselves. This hypocrisy began to take its toll in the teen years. Instead of making themselves accountable first, the parents criticized the school, the principal, the pastor, their child’s peers and sometimes their own spouse…..and ended up with a child who they were not extremely proud of. It doesn’t sound very nice to say, “I don’t like my child!” So instead, it becomes easier to degrade and dislike someone else.

Who suffers in all this? The child. When parents are poor trainers, they will come to dislike the children they have produced. When this happens, if the parent is not humble, wise and teachable, the child whom they’ve come to dislike, will begin to take on leadership over the parent and dictate their will to their parent. The parents have then effectively trained their child not to listen to God either. Dear friends, this leads to the spiritual ruination of your child. It won’t be long and your disillusionment will cause you, and/or your child, to step out from under the God given umbrellas of protection of the home and the Lord’s church. You both will find yourselves making life changing decisions that will completely change the direction of your family……all because you chose to overlook the warning signs of what you didn’t like in your child. Disappointment and disillusionment have caused many people to run from the problem rather than fixing the problem.

What should we do?

1. Look closely at what it is that you don’t like in your child’s behavior.
2. Look for that same attitude and spirit in yourself.
3. Call it what it is. Admit the problem.
4. Seek help if you do not know how to correctly deal with the problem.
5. Seek for God’s wisdom and humble yourself enough to ask Godly counsel.

The real issue is not problem children. It is problem parents. Let’s fix the problem for our children’s sake.

Making Our Children Accountable

2009-04-01T12:41:00.000-07:00

Life is not fair. It never will be. In spite of that profound truth, our reactions to the unfair situations of life can insure that we can be happy, or growing roots of bitterness! From politics to playgrounds, everyone plays the blame game these days. Sad to say...this includes our children.

A wise parent will think biblically about everything their child tells them. They too, were born in sin, a fact we must not forget.

Proverbs 22:15 “Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.”

There is an epidemic of blame shifting in our world and young and old are refusing to take responsibility for their own attitudes and actions. How many times have you heard your own child say something negative about the words or actions of friends, classmates or siblings? Every parent must use extreme caution when listening to the accusations that come from the mouth of their child. Children will manipulate your emotions and cause you to respond wrongly because of the way they distort their account with another person, and justify themselves to you as the parent. Why do grown adults forget the fact that children are notoriously unwise and prone to lying. The Bible proclaims this to be true....

Psalm 58:3 “The wicked are estranged from the womb: they go astray as soon as they be born, speaking lies.”

Yet, parents take up for their lying children all the time. This creates a lack of accountability for the child and causes divisions between the child and his friends AND the parents of those children as well! Friendships are broken and unity in a local church is hindered and our prayers go unanswered! This is extremely serious.

What should we do?

1. Wise up as parents. Think biblically about others, yourself and you can then instruct your children away from judgmental thinking.

2. Don’t take up the offense from your complaining child and just run with it. Go
through the proper channels to check it out in a gracious, non judging manner.

-Talk to their teacher to see if “things” are actually as they are telling you.

-Remember that “love thinketh no evil”, so if negative thoughts of others are in place at this time....you know the reason why.

3. Proverbs 24:28 “Be not a witness against thy neighbour without a cause; and
deceive not with thy lips.”

Don’t allow your child to spew angry words at you about someone else and then cap it off by successfully deceiving you.

Your child can turn your heart against others because of what they say to you, about others. That is influence, that no child should have with their parents.

4. Teach them that it is never right to return evil for evil.

Proverbs 24:29 “Say not, I will do so to him as he hath done to me: I will render to the man according to his work.”

I Peter 3:9 “Not rendering evil for evil, or railing for railing: but contrariwise
blessing; knowing that ye are thereunto called, that ye should inherit a blessing.”

-Pulling away from people and no longer having fellowship with them, is just as condemning as talking about the person or family behind their back. You still have not taught your child accountability, and fellowship is still broken between your family and others.

5. Show your children how to have a forgiving spirit.

-Verbalize to your child that we are going to treat the one who has hurt us with kindness. That’s the biblical way! Tell your child, “I think the best thing you can do is to treat your friend with all the kindness that you can...no matter what. That is what Jesus did for us.”

Romans 5:8 “But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.”

Dear Friend....I don’t deserve that kind of mercy and kindness. Do you? Since it was extended toward us...demonstrate that Christ likeness with your child, toward others.

-In this way you are making your child accountable and building his character for the future.

Forgiveness, love and mercy, ought to be seen, felt, heard and evident in all our relationships. That is true Christ life living!

Proverbs 11:17 “The merciful man doeth good to his own soul: but he that is cruel troubleth his own flesh.”

Proverbs 14:21 “He that despiseth his neighbour sinneth: but he that hath mercy on the poor, happy is he.”

For the Lord and our children’s sakes....let’s get this right. How are we teaching accountability to the next generation?

What Attitudes Are You Allowing?

2009-03-05T15:17:00.000-08:00

Matthew 12:34 “....for out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh.” Do you know what is in your child’s heart? You should. You listen to it every day. In training our children, we should keep an eye on their actions, but to truly discipline a child, we should be primarily concerned about their attitude. Our child’s attitude is far more important than their actions or the excellence of their education. Attitude, drives the actions, behavior and direction of our children’s lives. This is much more important than we may realize.`

This same problem is noticeable in adults as well. You can have a grown man sitting quietly upright in a church service, staring straight ahead, looking from the outside appearance like he is in agreement with everything that is being said...yet he can be in total disagreement with what he is hearing. His attitude is noticed by discerning people who have had their “senses exercised to discern both good and evil”. (Heb. 5:14) The attitude may be seen in his posture in the pew or the way he doesn’t open his Bible and follow along. It may be observed by the way he folds his arms across his chest or refuses to smile when something humorous is mentioned. The attitude of disrespect is a behavior that is unmistakable.

You may have a child who is not openly defying your authority, but they may inwardly have an attitude that is completely rotten. We as parents need to be wise enough to notice this stench their attitude. Too many 21st century parents, close their eyes in nonchalance, hoping the problem they might be seeing in their child, will just quietly go away or they will just get over it. It won’t... and they won’t. If we wait until the actions of our children become blatant rebellion...it’s too late.

The root of all sin is in the heart. The Bible bears this out. “Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.” Proverbs 4:23 It takes some growing up for our children to be able to keep their own heart. That’s why it takes Godly, serious minded parents who will do it for them until they are old enough to do it for themselves.

There is nothing cute and nothing good, about a bad attitude. If your child shows any form of displeasure or disagreement in your commands as a parent, deal with what you are seeing and treat it as disobedience. It may be a stiffening of the body or the sighing of the breath. It may be a look in the eye that speaks of defiance. Deal immediately with what you notice. Don’t let it slide. Don’t let it evolve. Call it what it is and don’t neglect to take out the trash that can accumulate in the spirit of your home.

What you allow to build up in bad attitudes in your family, will one day turn the entire atmosphere of your home into a place of oppression and joyless existence for the entire family.

It’s your choice.

Teaching Our Children to Behave in God’s House

2009-02-02T12:09:00.000-08:00

Proverbs 8:32-33 “Now, therefore hearken unto me, O ye children; for blessed are they that keep my ways. Hear instruction, and be wise, and refuse it not.”

Proverbs 19:20 “Hear counsel, and receive instruction that thou mayest be wise in thy latter end.”

Proverbs 1:7 “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge; but fools despise wisdom and instruction.”

Train your children to reverence God:

There are two aspects to child training. One is technique and the other is example. Technique involves knowing what needs to be done, what method will work and how to put it into practice. Example involves teaching and instruction through your example and leadership. Attitudes that you would like your children to have and practice are caught, from you as the parent!

Do you show obvious reverence for God and spiritual things?

A. Train your children to reverence God —in church.

~ Church is God’s house, the sanctuary of the Lord, where we come to focus on the LORD and to worship only Him! We do not come solely to hear the music or to fellowship with one another or to teach a class or take up an offering. These things, done in a proper and Biblical way–ought to be a part of the worship but never the focus of our worship.

How do we train our children to reverence God’s House?

1. You show them how to dress for going to God’s House. Dressing in play clothes, dirty clothes or dress down clothes sends no message of the sanctity of going to God’s House to your children. Preparing to go to God’s House deserves much more attention than it gets. Give God our best!

How special is the House of God to you and how are you translating that to your children? Your very best, need not be a three piece suit or the top of the line party dress for your child. But it should be more than a grungy pair of blue jeans, tennis shoes and a shirt or blouse bearing the stains of the day’s play and meals.

Proper behavior and reverence for God’s House means we must teach our children how to clean up before they enter the House of the Lord. Great preparation was made in the Old Testament for entering the House of the Lord. We need to teach that same respect for God’s House to our children today.

We are entering the place where God’s Spirit and presence are sought and welcomed.

2. You train your children to reverence God by sitting up straight and putting their eyes on the Pastor when he is speaking.

-Show your children how to worship the Lord by showing respect for God’s man yourself. Check your own posture in the pew.

-Never allow your child to sit and scribble, draw, play games, fold papers or look indifferent during a church service.

-Show them how to hold a hymnal and participate in the singing.

You are training!

-Show them how to sit up straight and show interest in what is being said. Sit far enough down front so they too, can see.

You are training!

-Bring and open your Bible to follow along. Let your child look on with you.

You are training!

-Show them how to appreciate the worship of music and the message by saying, “Amen” (I agree), when something has spoken to your heart.

You are training!

-Don’t leave your seat during the preaching of God’s Word. Never walk out on God!

You are training!

-Show your child how to respond to the spoken word, by how you respond. Children who never see a parent bow the knee at an altar will have a very difficult time doing it themselves when they are old enough- to need to do it. If you have a child who likes to go to the altar on a regular basis, go with them. Deal with your child. This teaches your child the serious nature of an altar call in the Lord’s Church. This is not a play time and should never be entered into it that way.

You are training!

"Teaching Our Children to Love Church"

2009-01-01T17:44:00.000-08:00

Psalm 122:1 "I was glad when they said unto me, Let us go into the house of the LORD."

The Lord Jesus Christ proved the importance of several things by giving or sacrificing Himself for them. The first thing He "gave" Himself for was...our sin.

Galatians 1:4 "Who gave Himself for our sins, that He might deliver us from this present evil world, according to the will of God and our Father." Sin is extremely serious to God. It ought to be to us, also. Teach this important fact to your children. They need to learn early that God will not overlook their sin.

Another important and often lightly esteemed thing that Christ gave Himself for, was the local church. In Ephesians 5:25, Paul was expressing the importance of husbands loving their wives in the same way and in the same proportion and in the same degree, that Christ loved the church, and gave Himself for it. He offered Himself as a sacrifice for this very important institution! It must be of serious spiritual significance in order for Himself to die for it.

Then why is the local church not approached in this same serious manner by professing Christians?

I Timothy 3:14-15 "These things write I unto thee, hoping to come unto thee shortly; But if I tarry long, that thou mayest know how thou oughtest to behave thyself in the house of God, which is the church of the living God, the pillar and ground of the truth."

Church is seriously important! It’s the pillar and ground of all truth. Truth, when we find it; is what will set us free! If this is true, then why do we not prepare more diligently for something so extremely important? Church is not supposed to be a hassle or a difficult thing. Preparing our families for the Lord’s Day begins well before Sunday ever arrives.

A Biblical woman, a true ‘keeper of the home’, will be mindful of these things and will let nothing stand in the way of this spiritual mission for her family! Let nothing become an excuse for your family not being in God’s house on His day. We are commanded in Hebrews 10:25 to not forsake the assembling of ourselves together with other believers. It’s a command and every mother will answer to God for why she did not help her family in keeping this command faithfully.

Here are some tips that can help you in being obedient to this clear command from the Lord and in nurturing a love for church in your family:

1. Catch up on the laundry on Saturday, so your family will have clean clothes on Sunday! Having nothing to wear, should never be a reason to stay home from church. Mom...plan what your children will wear the next day. Lay it out, freshly pressed and ready to go! This includes socks, shoes, hairbows, bow ties and any other accessory you may need. Each of these things take up time to gather on a Sunday morning. A diligent mom will prepare ahead of time! For young children, have the diaper bag packed and ready for its trip to the church nursery.

2. Teach your children to have their Bibles laid out and ready to pick up as they head out the door on Sunday morning. After all.....we are going to God’s house! We dare not forget God’s book!

3. Make a rule that everyone is in bed at an earlier hour on Saturday night. That should not be the night for late night movies, parties or TV watching. Feeling tired on a Sunday morning is the number one reason that people use to "just not feel well", on the Lord’s day. They didn’t plan to feel well by being rested! To this day, my family and I leave Saturday open. We don’t plan a lot of extra activities to fill up our day. By 6:00 PM we are concluding supper and the day is already going into a more relaxing mode. My husband heads to prayer meeting and my daughter and I put the finishing touches on the prepared ahead of time, Sunday dinner. Things are quiet and we are ready for bed no later than 10:00 PM. Why? Because the Lord’s day is important to us and we want to be at our best. We are involved in the music and ministry of our church. Many
of you have come to expect "our best". Why do you receive it each week?

Because we plan for it to happen that way. It doesn’t happen that way by itself. After all, isn’t the Lord more important than our Saturday night entertainment?

4. Wife....make sure you make these same preparations for your own husband. See to it that he has clean pressed shirts, ties, pants and anything else he may need, ready and waiting for him. There is nothing more frustrating for a man than to need an article of clothing and have to run around frantically at the last moment looking for what he needs. What a sad pitiful sight! What a sad pitiful commentary on his lazy wife.

5. Make sure all the children take baths on Saturday. Preparing for the Lord’s day says that going to church is important to our family and we prepare ourselves for it. If you were going to the White House for a special ceremony you would make these same kinds of preparations. You are going somewhere much more important than the White House. You are going to the Temple of the Lord, to sit in the presence of the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords! Prepare properly.

6. Plan your family’s breakfast the night before also. For our family, it was the one day a week that we always had cold cereal and fruit. It was quick, easy and everyone liked it.

6. As parents, determine to set the spiritual tone for your family on Sunday mornings. Put on some good Christian music that will put everyone in the mood for church. To this day I do this. It gets me thinking on spiritual things right away. My mind and spirit are encouraged before I even get to church!

Realize that Satan would like nothing better than to have family members get into arguments over some carnal thing and ruin the spirit within the whole family.

7. Determine the time you want your family to arrive for church and set your wake up and departure times accordingly. There is nothing worse than a family arriving at church in "batches". If chronic lateness plagues your family, do what ever you have to do to restructure your life to be on time! You are training your children in the way they ought to go.....It is a way that teaches a lack of respect for God, God’s house, God’s man and their Sunday school teachers.
Plan to get to church early. Fellowship with God’s people is part of Sunday worship too! Your children will learn to love....what you love!

Next month we’ll talk about how to behave in church.

Training Our Child's Work Ethic Tip 2

2008-12-01T05:41:00.000-08:00

Proverbs 22:6 "Train up a child in the way he should go; and when he is old, he will not depart from it."

Tip 2: Demonstrate a good work ethic.

A. Make the work that your child has to do, a part of the overall work that you have to do. Save time in your life....for their life’s work.

~ Be inspiring as a parent! Offer ideas for their projects.
If you have no ideas off the top of your head, take the time to get on the internet or go to a library to find some. Your effort in "helping", demonstrates either laziness or a diligent work ethic in you as a parent.

Be certain of this—your child is learning from your work ethic!

~ Find out what they are interested in doing for a report, science project or poster project. Make this brainstorming time enjoyable. Realize ahead of time, that this will take some of your time. Is your child worth it?

B. Be there to help them get going on the project.

~ They can do the actual work but be involved in the planning, the set up and the gathering of supplies for the project. Very few children are self starters.

~ Your involvement will fire your child up about "his work". How do you feel when your boss shows positive interest in what you are doing?

~ Your involvement makes Johnny feel that his work is very important too!

~ This encourages Johnny to put forth a stronger effort in doing his best!

This work of involvement, shouldn’t be left just to Mom. She can help a lot, but it is the man who teaches the child a strong and lasting work ethic, built and planted on a foundation of good character. This is key to your child’s future success.

~ A man’s lack of interest in the "work" of his children, sends negative messages to his children, especially to boys as they grow older. Anything Dad is not overly interested in , can automatically be perceived as "woman’s work". You usually have a female teacher trying to get a young male to work at something important. That male goes home to an uninterested or too busy Dad, and Mom must then compensate for Dad’s lack of interest. It is reinforced in the mind of the lad that this is stupid work and when this is over, he never wants to do it again!

Don’t be surprised when your child begins to think that he has more important things to do than school work, music practices or serving the Lord.

Training Our Child's Work Ethic

2008-11-05T20:28:00.000-08:00

Proverbs 22:6 "Train up a child in the way he should go; and when he is old, he will not depart from it."

There is a blessing and a warning within this one verse. Train your child in the right way and when he grows up he will continue in that way.

Neglect to train or procrastinate in training and when he is old he will go his own way. He will bring his mother to shame and discourage others.

Tip 1: Train their work ethic.

A. Be an involved parent! Be interested on a daily basis, in your child’s schoolwork. This tells your child that his work is important to you and should be equally as important to him.

~ Don’t ignore your child’s book bag! Ask to see it----everyday!

~ No matter their age, ask to see their assignment pads.

~ Ask questions of their work. Ask to see the finished work. Ask questions about what they are learning. Provide the place for them to do their work in a proper manner.

~ Ask questions about "their day of work". Show genuine interest. After all...they are your children....one of God’s heritage on loan to you.

~ If you don’t think you have time for showing interest in their life’s work now, plan to make time later to get to know your child’s heart when they end up in trouble and are struggling with their desire to even put forth an effort or try in their work.

~ Don’t allow your child to raise themselves.

B. Apply this same principle to their music lessons.

~ Sit and listen to them practice or occupy yourself close by with an interested ear! Comment favorably on what you hear.

~ Encourage the correction of sloppiness and repeated mistakes.

~ Be interested in what they are trying to accomplish. If you want it to mean something to them, it must mean something to you.

~ Remember: Music is a discipline. To get good at anything, you must practice. Your encouragement as a parent can make the difference in whether your child develops a "quitter" attitude or a "conqueror" spirit.

Tones of Mercy

2008-10-10T07:49:00.000-07:00

We have been considering the sober thought of whether our children can see genuine Christlikeness in us. Knowing that every child relates to the parents in a like manner that they will later relate to God, ought to bring serious consternation for every parent who calls themselves "a Christian". We live in a culture of verbal abuse and rudeness. We hear the barrage of publicly shared opinion on talk radio and television and the criticism that accompanies those conversations is anything but -- edifying. But these kinds of conversations are considered acceptable...even profitable.

The spirit of this kind of banter shows no mercy at all! We learn and assimilate this way of conversation by listening to it everyday from the culture around us. We must guard our hearts and minds, so as not to bring this spirit of the world into our own homes. Before we know it, we can be throwing around the same verbal slap downs and sarcasms that permeate the airwaves and the culture around us. I am appalled at the rude way that I hear people talk to their children. There are few tones of respect or mercy in their speech. The sad part of all this, is that most adults, and parents in particular, would be outraged if friends, neighbors or bosses used the same kind of smack talk or sarcastic put downs when addressing them. But their children put up with it everyday...from their own parents.

What has happened to mercy? The book of Psalms is loaded with the theme of "mercy". David cried out for it. "Have mercy upon me, O LORD, for I am in trouble: mine eye is consumed with grief, yea, my soul and my belly." Psalm 31:9 He longed for it. "Hear, O LORD, and have mercy upon me: LORD, be thou my helper." Psalm 30:10 He praised God for it and rejoiced to have received it from the Lord. "Blessed be God, which hath not turned away my prayer, nor his mercy from me." Psalm 66:20 How can we say that we are "Christians"----like Christ, and yet our children never hear mercy in our voices. What is the message of our tone of voice? Often, the tone speaks louder than the words themselves. If our God is merciful to us and we have experienced His forgiveness through repentance and faith, then why can we not show Christ like mercy to our children.

Where would we be without the mercy of God? "But thou, O LORD, art a God full of compassion, and gracious, longsuffering, and plenteous in mercy and truth." Psalm 86:15 We need His mercy. We cannot live without it. I submit to you that our children need to see this Christlike characteristic in us.....everyday. How will they ever know who Jesus really is, if they cannot see Him in us?

Lamentations 3:21-23 "This I recall to my mind, therefore have I hope. It is of the LORD’S mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness." We can show Christ to our children everyday, by our expressions and kind tones of mercy. Mercy is not permissiveness. But in the exercising of discipline they will see and hear our great love and compassion extended to them, as we administer discipline in a true spirit of mercy.

I See Jesus In You

2008-09-01T07:48:00.000-07:00

Matthew 5:16 "Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven."

How do infants, toddlers and very young children view their parents? If they had the ability to verbalize to us their real perception of who we are to them, they would no doubt describe us in similar terms that we might use to describe our Heavenly Father. "You are always there for me, watching my every move. You meet my needs and often when I don’t even recognize what those needs might be. You love me, you nurture me, you protect me." And on and on it could go. The truth is....when a child is very young, we parents are the only "god" they know and can relate to on any level. We’re it!

As our children begin to grow and we begin to teach them the spiritual realities of life, it is through their earthly father and mother that they catch their first and most lasting views of who Creator God really is. Do they see his likeness in us?

Children ought to see God’s character by observing their own parents. We are to be God’s representative on this earth to our children. We don’t have to be a perfect replica, just a good and faithful representation of God’s likeness. Can our children see Christ in us?

Everything that God is, in his character, in His mercy, in His tenderness and manner of relating to his children, we ought to exemplify to our own children. We cannot be all powerful, as God is, but we need to be a strong and consistent source of strength to our children. We don’t have to be all-wise as God is, but they need to see that we are seeking after the wisdom of the One who is all wise. They need to see that we are wise enough to know where to go, to get the wisdom to pass along to them.

Our children need to be able to admire the upright character and disciplined manner of life of their God- seeking parents. This is what it means to live a Godly, Christ like life. As a child sees his parents’ humble dependence on God and their fervent love for Him and the things that He loves (other Christians, the Lord’s local church, His Word, the souls of lost people), they will love and honor the One their parents love and honor.

Do our children really see Christ in us? Can they actually see any of Christ’s attributes in us? Servanthood? Humility?, Compassion or mercy? Honor and respect for God’s Word, God’s commands and God’s man? Can they see and do they hear a genuine desire to just please Him? Jesus Himself, submitted to the will of His Father.....do we? As a child relates to his parental authority.....in the same way he will later relate to God. When a child or teenager does not hear the voice of mercy or compassion from his parents.....he will get a false view of God. When they hear and see little respect for spiritual authority because of a parent’s critical spirit, don’t be surprised if those children struggle in ever coming to true salvation. You have pulled the plug on the very life line they need in hearing the truth and coming to the knowledge of the truth. If we allow our children to take our lovingly given commands lightly and with little regard, our children will do the same with God’s commands later. When fathers are slow to take loving, firm command of their families, their children will grow up with no fear of God and no respect for His commands. Abusive, cruel fathers nurture an unhealthy, foreboding fear of the father that damages the child’s image of God the Father . Our ability to present a balanced view of Christ-likeness is so important.

Do our children really see Jesus in us? Let’s ponder this question.......

Next time together we will talk about the specific ways Christ-likeness is seen in the home, through a child’s eyes.